Random word vomit

life... its all just a big game, somedays you win, somedays you loose.... BIG time! 

i don't know why but all of a sudden i am a weird somber mood.  today started out kinda crappy but i wasn't letting it get me down. but that has all changed suddenly.  i swear its the freaking weather, today has been the crappiest of all winter.  its disguting outside... its cold and foggy and icy and it majorly sucks.  i seriously think i have seasonal depression sometimes.  the sun isn't out today, and i hate it. i don't even want to look outside. much less go out there.

my roomie has been puking since 7:00 last night.  its not cool. this girl weighs like 110 pounds to begin with, not really healthy looking, but not really sickly looking.  i am kind of worried about her. she is too stuborn to go to the NP on campus.  when she was a junior in high school she got really sick. she had c-dif-toxin or something like that. it happens to like 1 in 10 million people.  it makes it so you can't keep anything down. she lost 50 pounds then. she is slowly gaining it back and now she started puking again. we are hoping its just 24 hour flu. so if she isn't better by tommorow we are taking her to the NP for sure if not the hospital. 

i finished my second week of practicum.  it was awesome. i learned so much from those kids.  it made me realize i am heading in the right direction with my life.  i can never thank michele and the kids enough for all they have done for me.  finishing this week though made me realize that my life in the "real world" will be here before i know it.  i think thats another part of what has me down.  i am just worried about my future. i think some of this worrying is normal but it doesn't seem to be affecting me like it does most of the kids in my classes.  although they don't really care. all the girls are just planning on marrying rich guys and living off them.  i am gonna laugh at them when that doesn't happen!  they aren't very dedicated. i wouldn't want them to be teachers to my kids. i can just see it... this is how we act like a slut students... and this is what happens when you get drunk off your ass every night.  man they are ridiculous. i have no respect for over half of the people in my classes. 

i just want to go home. i haven't really seen/been in my house for over 2 months. it makes me sad. i want to be in NY visiting my sisters. i want to see my old friends and get drunk. dani dan if you are reading this i can't wait to see you! i have been talking to this guy lately who is in Iraq. he has been away for almost 2 years. i can't even imagine. i couldn't take it. he says you just take one day at a time. i still don't think i could do it.

why in life do people think they are so much better than others? i think people need to realize that at the core we are all the same. 

i was watching cribs a couple of nights ago at 2 in the morning when i couldn't sleep.  it made me sick. i can't believe how much money those people have. its ridiculous. there are people in this world who have NOTHING. i mean absolutely nothing. they don't eat for weeks at a time. don't have clean water to drink. aren't able to take a bath everyday. they live in houses that have dirt floors and roofs made out of grass.  millions of people die every year. it makes me so sad. then there are these people in the world who have billions of dollars and they don't do anything to help these poor dying people.  they have plenty of money to spare. they have 4 cars. countless pairs of shoes. pants that cost $500. people could live on that for months in some places.  i can't come down on just the rich though. i am just as guilty as them. i am going to a school that costs more in a semester than those people make in a lifetime. i have my own car. an ipod. a bed to sleep in. clothes to wear. 2 winter coats. a tv in my room. a cell phone. more clothes and shoes then i really need. i have an incredible life. i have been blessed much more than i deserve. yet i complain about anything and everything. "its too cold" - at least i have coats and clothes and a house and a heater. "i don't want to eat anything i have in the cupboard right now" - at least i have food and for that matter a choice. "i want a pink ipod - not a white one." sometimes i just want to tell myslef to shut up. i can't believe how ridiculous i am sometimes. i think i just need to re-evaluate my life. i need to look at the things that are important. the things that really matter. nothing material matters. i will never be able to take it all with me in the end. why do i need it? i have so much more then som many people. i don't deserve it. why am i so lucky? why do i have more than i could possibly ever need? why do i get to take a shower every day? why? why? why? nothing really matters except for living a good christian life. focused on my Lord and Savior. i need to have Him as my center. i need to show compassion. and start again!

wow. kind of deep. i wrote that earlier today. i was down and out. but its so true. my life needs to be lived differently. i think that i want to work with other countries and their education systems. i want to find ways for children to learn. children whose parents can't read or write. i want to help them learn so they can help their family.  i need to re-evaluate immediately.

i hope others can get something out of this as well. learn from it what you will. i hope it will help you to look at life in a different way.

Currently Listening Greatest Hits, Vol. 2 By Tim McGraw My little girl see related

So... I said there would be more

here it is... i guess.

Well so practicum was really good.  i had  such a great time, it made me realize that i really do want to continue do go into a major that deals with kids.  I am still a little worried about when i actually graduate, and have to really teach.  I am worried that the kids i teach won't really learn and that i won't be a very good teacher.  i didn't have to introduce any new concepts to the kids, so i was just reviewing things they already knew... i don't know if they will learn anything when i am reaching for real.  there are all the new standards and state testing, and if my kids don't pass those tests, then its my fault.  with all the new no child left behind stuff, it is the teachers fault when a student doesn't pass the state tests.  which is partially true, but after being in the classroom and working with some of these kids, i know that sometimes it isn't the teacher's fault, its the childs, becuase they simply don't want to learn, are having a hard time that day or aren't into school.  its a tough crazy situation.  but i guess i will find out when i teach some more, we have another week of practicum in december and a lot more time in the classroom in the next 2 semesters, plus a semester of student teaching. 

I have also thought about becoming an early childhood program runner.  doing like an eclc or day care/preschool program.  i love the little guys, they are so cute and so fun.  like i said i have thought about being a kindergarden teacher, but it comes back to the issue from above.  kin is such a fundament foundational grade.  if kids have a bad K experience it affects the rest  of their school career.  I guess i am just nervous, and it will all work itself out. 

I am real bored right now... i am at home, had fall break this week and getting sick of being around the house.  Atown is so boring, there is nothing to do here.  not that bizzo is much better, but at least i have all my friends there.  i do have friend in atown, but only 2 of them are actuall here, one comes back today, but she is going to sleep becuase she is really tired, other than that, they are all at their own colleges.  so ya, nothing to do really.  having a party tonight though, should be fun. 

I am wathcing texas aggies football, wishing it was notre dame.  actually wishing it was a umary fb game, cuz then i could actually be there watching it, i miss going to fb games. 

well nothing else to say, not that that was interesting at all, sorry if your read this hoping it would be good!

God Bless, Latas!

Soooo... again i am not really good at updating on here.  I guess I just don't find my life interesting enough to put up here. and i don't really have time lately to think about any thing to any great depth, so i just don't post. 

But most of what has happened in the past week has been amazing!  this past week for school we have been doing our practicum, where we go out into a classroom for the week and we observe and we have to teach at least 4 lessons.  we have to teach language arts, PE, music and technology.  the LA is easy to do, but the others are kinda hard... especially because we just have to use PE and music in the classroom and intergrate it into another subject.  but it was super fun!  i was in 5th grade at a school here, and my cooperating teacher (who's classroom i was in) was AMAZING!  i had so much fun, and i thought i would hate it, i have always wanted to focus more on early childhood (birth to age 8) and always thought i would end up as a kindergarten teacher, so i was a little worried/upset about going into a 5th grade room.  but i just stayed open and had a great time!  they are so fun, so independent and at a great age still. 

... More to come later

I AM IN NEW YORK!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am watching my nephew watch Blue's Clues right now!  Its so fun, yesterday we went to Lake George, NY and it was so cool.  Having lot of fun!